don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
