He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
