How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
