In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
