Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
