Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
its not stalking. its research.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
