Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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