Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
i out mim tonsoeep
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