never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
