I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize