you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
