I need help removing her.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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