It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i think my tv is drunk
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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