I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
