Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
