Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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