She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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