A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
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He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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