True but thats because hes a fetus.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
