dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you traded sex for a burrito?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
