I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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