Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
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Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
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Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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