Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
