I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
