these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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