Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
