wanna go halves on a baby?
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
