if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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