How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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