I just pynch a tree in the face
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
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