How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
