hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize