Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
