I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
