I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
