i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
