What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
