i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
What drink are we having for lunch?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
