I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
