he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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