i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
