Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
you had me at cake vodka
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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