it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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