the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
