so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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