seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I smell like Dick and happiness
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