I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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