Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
