I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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