I am puke
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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