I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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