i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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