I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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