She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
