the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Randomize
