that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Randomize
