Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
