a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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