Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
