I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You may now shotgun with the bride
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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