I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
