in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
