It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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