I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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