yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
