Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
