Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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