That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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