Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
