there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I had to cum in my sink.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
