woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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