Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
