suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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