Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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