i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Never joke about your clitoris.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
